


only you can conquer time

by bunnyctzen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Party, also just a lil bit of angst to spice it up, i've given up that's probably enough idk what else to tag slkdgkslj, it's like disgustingly romantic and soft tho, virgin!renjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:21:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnyctzen/pseuds/bunnyctzen
Summary: four years ago, they made a virginity pact. donghyuck has forgotten all about it, but renjun certainlyhasn't.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 30
Kudos: 627
Collections: Renhorny





	only you can conquer time

**Author's Note:**

> happy new year!!!!! i hope 2020 brings u very lovely things!!!
> 
> also this exchange is a mess so more ppl will post at different times hfkddj expect more renhorny coming 2 a theatre near u !!!
> 
> UPDATE ok i fixed the accidental editing nightmare all is well now lskdjgk

really, all of it started back in high school. 

back when renjun and donghyuck were like, fifteen, and watching reruns of community after a long day of classes. fingers covered in doritos, atrocious clothes, every fear of being a fuck-up later on in life on their minds. well, _that_ part never really changed, but at least renjun has learned how to dress himself since. 

in tenth grade, they made a pact. renjun doesn’t even remember how the topic came up—they were teenage boys, he supposes, so it was always in the realm of potential conversation starters. 

at fifteen, they were both still virgins. they were a little nerdy, and too awkward to draw any attention from girls _or_ boys. if geography was too much for renjun to wrap his head around, he certainly didn’t know the first thing about how to get someone in bed. 

they decided that if the two of them _still_ hadn’t gotten laid by the end of their first year of college, they’d fuck each other. 

it was an absolutely fucking _stupid_ decision, back when renjun’s suffocating crush on his best friend was just in its early stages. to this day, he’s not even sure donghyuck was fully serious when they shook hands to sign away their theoretical v-cards.

the thing is, renjun and donghyuck are _at_ the end of their first year, celebrating their last days on campus at some stupid fucking party, and renjun is alone with his drunk thoughts like a loser, wondering if their contract is void now that donghyuck has fucked the majority of their friend circle. 

wondering if the rule applies if _he’s_ still a virgin. 

four years later, he still can’t escape his stupid fucking crush, and he’s spent three of them watching donghyuck pick up, fall in love with, and drop anyone that shows even mild interest in him. 

renjun has tried the relationship thing, but his heart refuses to cooperate. instead, it’s attached to a string, and donghyuck drags it along behind him everywhere he goes. it gets scratched up, covered in mud, stepped on, and left out in the rain. he’s fairly sure a dog used it as a chew toy once.

four years later, at this dumb party, he’s doing tequila shots with jaemin—donghyuck’s current flavour of the month—and trying not to let his yearning consume him. 

“you’re no fun, injunnie. who comes to a party just to mope?”

he’s a little too far gone to properly execute the murderous glare he wants to give; instead, he’s pretty sure he just pouts. 

“that’s what jeno’s doing.” renjun points out, gesturing to their mutual friend who currently cuddles a bottle of grey goose to his chest, and stares at the kitchen floor like it owes him an apology. at the very least, renjun isn’t _that_ drunk.

“listen, you know that’s not his fault. he pre-gamed with box wine, and he misses his cats. you aren’t the one who’s gotta drag his ass home later.”

renjun raises an eyebrow. 

jaemin hands him another lime wedge. 

“c’mon, loosen up a little. seriously. i do this because i love you, dude.”

he waves his three-quarter empty bottle of sauza gold in renjun’s face, and smiles encouragingly. it has to be at least half saliva by now, but they’re both a little too drunk to care.

renjun grabs the bottle, and takes another swig. bites his lime wedge, and sucks what little juice is left in it after sitting out on the counter for all this time. scrunches his nose, but at least he’s past the point of shuddering—it’s surely a sign that he’s had _too_ much.

“maybe you just need to get laid, injun-ah. d’you need me to be your wingman? who do you have your eye on?”

renjun snorts. 

“like anyone’s gonna fuck me.”

“are you kidding? you’re like, _super_ fuckable! i’d fuck you. promise. jeno, you’d fuck renjun, right?”

jeno is far too out of it to even hear jaemin’s question, and renjun has never been more grateful for it. 

“jaemin, you’d fuck _anyone_.”

“and that’s why my life is so great! _i’m_ never the one looking dejected at a party.”

eventually, renjun decides he’s just running into a wall. the longer he stays here with jaemin, the longer he’ll be pestered about things he can’t change. at this rate, he should probably get home anyway; the last time he saw donghyuck was over an hour ago, and he’s pretty positive that if he has two more shots, he’ll be retching into the sink. 

at least he showed up. 

before he decides to stumble home and crash, renjun figures he should take a leak. it takes him at least ten minutes to find a bathroom, since he has to push through crowds of overly rowdy and horny twenty-somethings clogging the hallways, and he’s never been here before. hell, he doesn’t even remember _whose_ house he’s at right now. 

the first bathroom he walked into was a mistake; he sends a small prayer for a stranger’s knees, pressed into the grout of shitty bathroom tile, and clutching the toilet bowl. 

the next one is upstairs, up near bedrooms he _absolutely_ knows people are fucking in. the door is half ripped off of its hinges, and it doesn’t even lock, but it’ll have to do. 

renjun unzips his pants and goes about his business; it’s depressingly true, what they say about only being able to tell how far in the bag you are when you take a piss. he’s a little wobbly on his feet when he finishes up, and he’s halfway through stuffing himself back into his jeans when someone barges in on him. 

renjun turns around, fully prepared to give them shit for it, but then he sees just _who_ decided to disregard proper bathroom etiquette. 

oh. 

“ah, _injunnieeeee_! i’ve been looking _everywhere_ for you! jaemin said you went home!”

a small part of renjun wishes jaemin were right. 

another part of him wants to make a quick excuse to jet, but ever the masochist, renjun stays in place. he lets donghyuck hang off of him, and tries to stomp his burning heart out.

“i thought _you_ went home. didn’t you say you were gonna come right back after you said hi to someone?”

“i said hi to _everyone_.”

renjun fully believes he did—donghyuck is the most social of butterflies, and he’s very loose with his affection. it’s not hard to believe it literally _did_ take him this long to find renjun again, even if it was just by accident. 

“i’ve gotta _pee_ though. will you hold the door closed for me?”

really, renjun would do _anything_ for donghyuck, but he’s not about to admit that out loud. instead, he leans against the door to stop anyone else from barging in, and keeps his eyes firmly focused on the wall in front of him. 

he hears the toilet flush, and then a fair amount of shuffling behind him before donghyuck huffs, and lets out a sad defeated noise. 

“everything okay back there?”

there’s a moment of silence. 

“promise you won’t laugh?”

that certainly isn’t what renjun expected to hear, but curious, he bites. 

“promise.”

“can you… come here?”

at this point, renjun has already agreed, so he makes his way back over to where donghyuck stands, eyeing him curiously. 

“these pants are like, skin fucking tight, and the zipper is stuck. you know like, that _thing_ it does when it’s twisted the wrong way?” donghyuck gestures toward his general problem area, and renjun is forced to look to figure out what he’s trying to describe. his mouth feels a little dry. 

“so you… want help zipping them up. right?”

renjun feels like he’s spent a few seconds too long staring at donghyuck’s crotch before he meets his eyes again, but thankfully, donghyuck doesn’t seem to notice. instead, he nods cheerily. 

“i’ll like, pull it all together. can you zip?”

renjun swallows, and nods. eye contact feels a little weird in this situation, but so does staring right at donghyuck’s pants. he’s kind of unsure of what the proper etiquette is here, but donghyuck is already gathering the fabric, and pulling it together as tight as he can. 

renjun’s cheeks feel a little hot, but he figures he should be able to blame it on the alcohol. hopefully. 

with careful fingers, he reaches to grab donghyuck’s zipper, and tugs up on the thing in hopes that it’ll budge. 

much to his horror, it most certainly does _not_. 

donghyuck’s jeans really _are_ that tight. they cling to his legs with all their might, and hug the curve of his hips in a way that should be illegal. 

renjun tries a second time to move the zipper, only to find that it’s still stuck, and he’s had his hands all over donghyuck’s crotch for like, at least a solid five seconds now. it’s a little hard to breathe. donghyuck giggles. 

the third time, _thankfully_ , the zipper breaks free from its hold, and he can move it up to where it needs to be. he has to shimmy it up a little more over the… swell of what lies underneath, but then he’s buttoning up donghyuck’s jeans, and he’s quick to take his hands back. 

“thank _god_. i only wear these pants when i’m trying to get laid, but they’re a real bitch to get back into, y’know?”

in fact, renjun _doesn’t_ know, but he’ll nod to pretend he does. anything to clear the air. 

“they didn’t really work, though. can you believe i went through all of this effort just for jaemin to go home with jeno? what am i gonna do _now_ , junnie?”

it’s hard to make the right call here. really, there are no ideal options—instead, renjun figures he’ll go with the easiest. 

“i’m sure you can still find someone. it’s only like, 1am. party’s still going strong.”

donghyuck whines, and steps forward to lean his head on renjun’s shoulder. 

“i don’t _want_ to go around chasing dick. that’s like, embarrassing. but i’m still _horny_.”

renjun is finally at a loss for words, with donghyuck draped all over him again, and saying shit like that. his heart is racing, and he’s almost positive he’ll pass out if he has to go through more than this. 

“do _you_ wanna take me home, injunnie?”

fuck. 

_holy_ fuck. 

donghyuck’s lips brush over his neck as he pulls back to stand back up on his own, and then he finds renjun’s eyes. holds his gaze. 

“i, uh..”

donghyuck frowns. the look in his eyes is heartbreaking. 

“shit, it’s not that i, uh, don’t _want_ to, it’s just—i... um,” renjun can’t find the words to explain himself without fully exposing himself, but he needs to say something. 

“i’m kind of… i don’t really—”

“you don’t what?”

renjun bites his lip, and looks down. when he meets his gaze again, he knows there’s no way to avoid it now.

“know… how?”

donghyuck’s expression, for a second, is unreadable. renjun hopes the earth swallows him whole as quickly as possible. 

it’s blank, and then, slowly, it turns to disbelief. 

“no way.”

renjun’s face is on fire. he wants to die. 

he _really_ wants to fucking die. 

“injunnie, are you…”

he goes as far, for a few seconds, as shutting his eyes to avoid the look donghyuck gives him. when he opens them again, it’s exceedingly hard to keep eye contact.

“are you still a virgin?”

donghyuck speaks with clarity that sounds suspiciously like oncoming sobriety, which arguably makes things even worse. 

renjun’s silence is surely speaks volumes, but he still slowly nods. 

“ _holy shit_.”

it’s suddenly far too cramped in this bathroom. with donghyuck mere inches from him, breathing his air, and drinking in his confession. 

it’s silent. 

renjun wonders if his pulse is loud enough to hear over the booming, shitty club music outside the bathroom. 

he braves a look back at donghyuck, and immediately, he regrets it. the level of intensity he receives is more than he feels like he can bear. 

“do you… still _want_ to be? are you holding out for a reason?”

renjun swallows again. somehow, if even possible, his throat is even drier than it was before. donghyuck is offering him a way out, if he wants it. a clear doorway that he can go through, so they never have to remember this moment again. 

renjun doesn’t want to take the easy way out. 

slowly, he shakes his head no. he doesn’t trust his words. 

“do you… want to come home with _me_?”

forcing himself to be brave, renjun nods. 

“you’re allowed to say no, renjun. i promise.”

“no, i… i want to. for real.”

determined, renjun finally backs his words with some confidence. well, at least as much as he can muster. 

the entire ordeal has been enough to sober him. suddenly, all of those tequila shots mean nothing. 

“can i kiss you?”

renjun feels like all the air has been knocked out of his lungs—they’re too close for him to hide the way he breathes in sharply to restore it. 

he nods again, and really looks into donghyuck’s eyes to convey it. god, more than anything in this world does he want to kiss donghyuck. 

it’s a moment as fragile as finely blown glass when donghyuck reaches his hand up to cup renjun’s cheek. he holds renjun’s gaze for a little longer, like he’s trying to make sure renjun won’t back out. that he won’t change his mind. 

renjun nods once more, just to reassure donghyuck, and then donghyuck presses forward. 

his lips brush softly against renjun’s, to test the waters, then he properly seals them. it’s so surreal that renjun hardly believes he’s there at all—his heart is in his throat, and he wiggles his toes to ground himself. to remind himself that this _is_ real, and it’s happening right now. 

when donghyuck’s lips move again, this time, renjun presses his own right back against them. it’s an absolute _rush_ of a feeling; he’s surely dreamed about this happening a _thousand_ times, but for as cheesy as it sounds, he truly knows in his heart that his imagination could never compare.

in time, their kiss is less gentle. less careful, like they’re fearful of something going wrong. donghyuck’s tongue runs along the seam of renjun’s lips, and he invites him in. tastes the mixed drinks donghyuck had been indulging in from the second they walked into this place. renjun’s hands find their way to donghyuck’s back, and he presses him in closer. pulls him down further. kisses him deeper. 

there’s no oxygen—there’s only donghyuck, and donghyuck’s wandering hands, and donghyuck’s smoky caramel cologne, and donghyuck’s plush lips, and donghyuck’s skin under his hands, and donghyuck, donghyuck, _donghyuck_.

then someone barges into the bathroom. 

they pull apart, eyes wide in surprise, then they burst into a fit of giggles. renjun isn’t sure if he feels drunk again, or if he’s just drunk on donghyuck, but in any combination, it’s enough that he doesn’t really care who sees. 

when donghyuck’s eyes meet his own, it looks like he’s feeling much the same. 

“do you wanna get out of here?”

on the way over, even through touches and stolen kisses, renjun’s nerves find him. they follow him up three flights of stairs to donghyuck’s dorm, and in through the door. his fingers fumble with his shoelaces when he unties them. 

renjun stands a little awkwardly by donghyuck’s door, mildly unsure of the proper protocol.

what happens when one goes to someone’s place just for sex? like, in a way that’s mutually agreed upon. does he ask for a glass of water or something?

“are you just gonna stand there, or are you gonna come in?”

really, renjun isn’t sure, but he figures that’s an invitation to follow donghyuck, so he does. regardless, donghyuck only looks amused. 

they end up in donghyuck’s bedroom, and he gestures for renjun to join him on his bed. 

so far, nothing happens. renjun’s stomach turns, wondering how to change that. 

“hey, you don’t have to be nervous. it’s just me, injunnie.”

renjun is _absolutely_ still nervous. he wishes he were still drunk. 

he changes his position on the bed so he’s facing donghyuck, and back making eye contact, even though it’s hard to again. 

“you can still back out of this, you know. you don’t have to do this.”

at the very least, renjun knows this is what he wants. what he _needs_. 

“god, hyuck, do you know how _exhausting_ it is to be a virgin? of course i’m not gonna back out.”

“promise?”

“i promise.”

at the very least, it satisfies donghyuck enough to move further back on his bed, and gesture for renjun to follow. renjun still isn’t entirely sure of what to do with himself, but it’s definitely a start. 

“just like, tell me if you ever wanna stop, okay?”

renjun nods. 

it’s enough to get donghyuck on top of him, straddling his hips, and leaning down to kiss him again. now that they’ve done it before, donghyuck chases what he wants with far less hesitation. 

they _both_ want this—not just renjun. it’s actually kind of unbelievable, but renjun certainly won’t complain. 

this time, pressing renjun down into his mattress, donghyuck has an agenda with his kiss. he’s quicker to lead them to hot, open mouths—renjun isn’t overly nervous about this part. even for a virgin, he’s no stranger to making out with anyone. the only difference is that he generally never lets it go further, but this time it’s actually _happening_. 

that being said, though he’s made out with a few people, he can’t say anyone has ever kissed him better than donghyuck does. before they even get anywhere, renjun already feels a little hot all over—needless to say, when donghyuck shifts his hips and there’s finally friction between them, it’s a lot. 

_god_ , renjun hopes he won’t embarrass himself tonight. 

donghyuck’s mouth on his neck is hot and wet and _delightful_ , and renjun is half positive he’s ascended to another plane of existence when grinds back down onto him. this time, a soft noise escapes him before he can bite it back—he’s at least done this before, but every sensation feels entirely new. _donghyuck_ is new.

donghyuck’s hand already trails along the soft expanse of skin renjun’s ridden up shirt exposes, and it’s absolutely _electric_. electric when donghyuck pauses to rid them both of their shirts, and goes back to attacking a particularly sensitive patch of skin on renjun’s neck that has him squirming. when he shifts again, and slots his leg between renjun’s to get a better angle, because fuck, from here, renjun distinctly feels donghyuck’s semi rubbing up against his thigh. 

_he_ did that to donghyuck. holy fuck. 

they go back to kissing—at this point it’s mostly tongue, and renjun is positive that he’s fucked donghyuck’s hair up irreparably with the way his fingers keep running through it. donghyuck’s hand has found the inside of his thigh, and it’s so much on top of the existing friction between them that he breathes something between a moan and a whimper right into donghyuck’s mouth. 

god, he’s so fucking screwed. is he really that sensitive?

finally, breathless, donghyuck pulls back to look down at renjun. his lips are wet and swollen, and his eyes are dark, but they still hold concern. 

“still good?”

renjun is quick to nod, even in his half-dazed state. 

“ _really_ good.”

though renjun worries he sounds a little too eager, it seems to definitely be enough for what donghyuck seeks. 

“wanna try a little more?”

he nods again. he’s _desperate_ to try more. 

this time, donghyuck’s hand moves up his thigh to cup renjun through his jeans, and when he begins to palm the fabric, renjun moans wetly. donghyuck’s lips trail along his jaw, but upper body sensations are completely lost to renjun by the time donghyuck rubs him to full hardness, and he’s straining against the tight garment. 

it becomes a little too much to bear, and he lets out a frustrated whine as he moves his hips up to chase donghyuck’s hand. in fact, it’s almost a little painful how constricted he feels, pressed up the thick fabric, and leaking precome. 

“want them off.” he gasps, squirming again where he lies. 

at the very least, donghyuck doesn’t seem like he’s in the mood to torture renjun, so he sits back up, and uses both hands to unbutton renjun’s jeans. to unzip them, and grab them at the belt loops, and shimmy them down renjun’s hips. renjun can coordinate himself enough to kick them off from there, and then suddenly, he’s just left in his boxer briefs in donghyuck’s bed while donghyuck is still half-clothed. _that_ simply won’t do. 

“yours too.”

feeling brave, if not only because he’s already done this once before tonight, renjun finds the front of donghyuck’s jeans again. he pulls the fabric taut enough to unbutton it, and it takes very little to persuade his zipper to fly open—especially given the added girth that lies beneath this time around. donghyuck curses, like he’s as relieved as renjun feels finally being free of them. 

it’s a two man job, shimmying donghyuck out of his jeans. they cling to his skin for dear life, so they literally have to be peeled off in order to free his legs. it’s so ridiculous that they’re both laughing again, only far more breathlessly this time. 

“told you i always end up regretting them.”

“they worked though, didn’t they?”

renjun is in donghyuck’s bed, very much at his mercy. desperate for his touch, and awaiting his guidance. donghyuck wore his jeans to get laid, and renjun certainly isn’t looking to stop that from happening. 

“huh, i guess they did after all.” 

donghyuck looks a little in awe as his eyes rake over renjun’s body, and it’s enough to have renjun feeling a little self-conscious. 

he’s fairly exposed, nearly naked and now fully hard in front of donghyuck. it’s embarrassing enough that he tries to curl into himself, thighs shifting in a fairly fruitless attempt to cover himself. his cheeks start to burn, and he feels the hotness spread down his neck. 

“hey, none of that. don’t get all shy on me now.” though donghyuck’s words are a little teasing, they’re full of tenderness. he climbs back onto renjun, and runs soft fingers over his ribs. 

“you’re so pretty, injunnie. god, you really have no idea, do you?”

if at all possible, renjun’s blush runs even deeper. it’s hard to meet donghyuck’s eyes. 

“ _so_ pretty for me. an absolute treat.”

donghyuck’s fingers brush over one of renjun’s nipples, and he keens. this exposed, under donghyuck's roaming eyes, every small touch feels so much more intense. it’s too much. 

renjun’s hips shift upward again to chase friction, but all he finds is empty air. he whimpers pathetically. 

“ _please_ , hyuck.”

at this point, renjun isn’t entirely sure of what he wants—he just needs _something_. he wants donghyuck in any way he can get him.

“mm, fine. so _impatient_.”

it’s enough, apparently, for donghyuck to take sympathy on him. renjun feels the drag of each of donghyuck's fingertips as they trail back down his body, and then suddenly, donghyuck reaches into his boxer briefs, and takes hold of him.

the noise it draws from renjun is _definitely_ embarrassing, high and breathy, but it feels too good to properly care anymore. 

donghyuck is at least mindful enough to only stroke him slowly and gently; it’s in their mutual favour. renjun already doesn’t know how long he’ll last into the night.

he lets himself live in the moment for a little, and really let himself _feel_ donghyuck's hands on him, but at a certain point renjun has to call an end to it.

“that’s— _ah_ , enough, i think. give me a minute.”

his voice comes out breathless, and he has to grab donghyuck’s wrist before he takes him too near his limit. he has to take a momentary breather before he’s ready for anything else—he’s already dangerously close, and he’s not even fully naked yet.

donghyuck is patient, at the very least. in fact, it makes renjun’s heart swell to see the way donghyuck treats him with such attentiveness and care. the thought is a good enough distraction to cool him down enough to finally rid himself of his undergarments; he tries to ignore the wet spot he’s left on the front of them.

now that he’s truly naked, however, renjun’s brain reminds him of his situation. he’s in donghyuck’s bed, fully exposed, and they’re about to fuck. god. how the _fuck_ did he get here?

he tries to think of the whole process in steps to reorient himself. everything from this point on is where things get serious—he knows he can turn back at any point, but at the very least, he owes it to himself to not chicken out. he's got this.

“everything okay?”

donghyuck’s touch is gentle on his arm, but it’s enough to help ground renjun. bring him back to the moment. donghyuck is here, and he’s gently guiding him through all of this. nothing is rushed.

fuck, renjun swears he doesn’t deserve him.

in answer, renjun nods.

“still good. i think i’m ready again.”

this time, donghyuck lets renjun take the lead. which of course is fine and all, but renjun is still fairly unsure of how to proceed. 

logically, he supposes, the next step is for both of them to get naked. it’s more serious than just unzipping donghyuck’s pants, but renjun has _definitely_ been dreaming about this moment, so he braves it. softly, he presses fingers against donghyuck’s hip.

“can i?”

it’s obvious what he’s referring to; thankfully, donghyuck nods reassuringly.

renjun bites his lip, and takes a deep breath, and then he’s hooking his fingers under donghyuck’s waistband, and pulling the fabric down his legs.

it kind of knocks the wind out of renjun again, seeing donghyuck fully hard for him. 

really, he’s seen dicks before. he played soccer in high school, and it’s hard to hide in public dressing rooms. what renjun _hasn’t_ seen is someone hard and leaking in front of him, _for_ him, and awaiting his touch. it’s not like donghyuck is particularly massive, or anything, but a small part of renjun is kind of nervous to have donghyuck inside of him. he’s certainly big _enough_.

his fingers gravitate toward donghyuck, but he hesitates. looks up, and searches his eyes for reassurance. donghyuck gives it to him in the form of another nod, and a soft smile, and it’s enough to motivate renjun to take hold of him.

his fingers close around donghyuck’s cock, and then his brain short-circuits.

“ _oh_.”

it’s all he remembers how to say, for a second. renjun’s face heats up again, and everything is a little overwhelming. his eyes are transfixed on the sight ahead of them—very slowly, cautiously, he moves his hand up, and then down. it’s not that it’s _super_ different, holding someone else’s dick, or anything, but it’s kind of fucking surreal. an out of body experience.  
this time, on the way up, renjun swipes some of the precome that collects at his tip, and uses it to ease the glide a little more. donghyuck lets out a breathy groan, and renjun freezes. fuck. _fuck_.

immediately, he wants to chase that noise; he slides his hand up and down donghyuck’s cock again, with a little more confidence this time. it’s just like he’s jacking himself off, but with donghyuck instead, right?

it certainly seems to be working—donghyuck’s head falls back, and another pleased noise escapes his parted lips. eyes closed.

renjun gets an idea.

“can i suck you off?”

immediately, donghyuck’s head whips up, and his eyes are a little wide in surprise. in full honesty, renjun is kind of shocked _himself_.

“junnie, you really don’t have to.”

“but i… want to? just to like, try it.”

donghyuck stares him down, like he’s trying to gauge if renjun is serious, and then he gives him the go-ahead.

_this_ is certainly a new experience.

“i still want you to um, fuck me, but…” renjun gestures weakly, feeling a little too shy at the admittance to meet donghyuck’s eyes again.

really, he just wants a _taste_. is he ever gonna get the chance to do this again?

renjun re-positions himself so he’s on his front, sort of crouched over to be level with donghyuck’s cock, and then he braves a look up at him.

if possible, renjun blushes even more fiercely when he sees the look of absolute _awe_ donghyuck gives him. like he can’t believe his eyes. renjun is hardly sure he believes it either, but he forces himself to try to.

he leans down, grabs hold of him, and strokes him a couple more times before carefully running his tongue up the side of donghyuck’s cock. twice, just to get a feel for it, and then once over his tip. runs his tongue along the slit of it, to collect the trail of precome that threatens to spill over, and he hums at the taste. it’s not like it’s delicious, or anything—it’s kind of salty, and a little bitter, but it’s _donghyuck_ , which means it’s really fucking hot.

finally, he takes donghyuck into his mouth. only little by little, still stroking him at his base, but enough to get used to the feeling. he bobs his head a little, and presses his tongue hot over a vein in the way he’d imagine would feel good. apparently it does; above him, donghyuck moans.

it’s a little harder than renjun expects, keeping his teeth out of the way and everything, but he grows a little more confident the longer he goes, and takes donghyuck a little deeper. he certainly isn’t stupid enough to go any further in an effort to not trigger his gag reflex or anything, because giving head for the first time is already embarrassing enough.

his jaw aches a little, but he’s into the rhythm of it now, and from the sounds of it, he guesses he’s doing well enough.

renjun braves a look back up at donghyuck, mouth still full, and the look donghyuck gives him instantly reminds him how hard he is. donghyuck looks absolutely gone—his eyes are dark, and his breathing is a little shallow.

for the first time tonight, renjun feels a little prideful. enough to lean down a little further, still stroking donghyuck, and run a tongue over his balls. he’s a little less hesitant, now, sucking one into his mouth, and massaging his tongue over it. carefully licking back up to his base.

“ _fuck_ , jun-ah. you’re not supposed to be good at this yet.”

donghyuck sounds wrecked. enough that renjun grinds down onto the mattress below him to chase a little friction of his own, because the thought of being the cause of it gets him a little hot. doing this for him is already enough.

he takes donghyuck back into his mouth, and only bobs his head a few more times before donghyuck gently pulls him off.

“ _jesus_ , yeah, i think that’s good for now. like, _too_ good.”

he’s a little breathless, but renjun can relate.

he joins donghyuck back up on the pillows to take another breather, but the way donghyuck keeps eyeing him only reminds renjun that he wants more.

“do you think you’re ready?”

renjun _knows_ he’s ready. likely, he's pent up enough that he'd agree to just about anything right now. 

he nods.

“on your back then, maybe? it’s a little more comfortable.”

renjun is a little relieved he doesn’t have to get on all fours; he can at least do this. he gets to rest his head on the pillow below him, and he’s not nearly as... exposed.

donghyuck disappears to rifle through his nightstand to find what he’s looking for, but once he retrieves it, he looks satisfied.

renjun _expects_ he'll return with bottle of lube and a condom, but when he sees them, the nerves crawl back into the pit of his stomach. 

every time he tries something new, he’s kind of back to square one. 

it’s a lot.

“i’m not gonna like, lie to you. it kind of hurts like a bitch for a little bit, but i promise it starts to feel really good.”

at the very least, honesty is comforting. he's fairly sure he knows what to expect, but he'll take all the reassurances he can get.

“have you… done this before?”

this time it’s donghyuck who hesitates with his words. renjun can fill in for him.

“fingered myself? yeah, it’s not… the first time. promise.”

apparently, the admission is a lot for donghyuck to take in. he looks a little flustered again, like he’d expected a no, and he’s not sure how to handle a yes.

“oh, then uh, it’s like that. but a little more stretching, and a bit less fun.”

“i… trust you.”

it's an assurance, but they’re words of truth—a confession that leaves renjun feeling truly stripped bare. he’d really trust his life in donghyuck’s hands. this is something he wants.

the moment feels a little more tender than renjun expected it to, and he shifts a little uncomfortably under donghyuck’s gaze. this entire thing means more to renjun than donghyuck could even dream of knowing, and exposed like this in front of him, it’s a little hard to hide it.

donghyuck takes him at his word, and settles between renjun’s legs. his brow furrows, as if remembering a detail, and he pauses to grab the pillow renjun isn’t currently lying on. brings it back to where he was before, and gently guides renjun’s hips up to slide it under him.

“trust me, i wish i had one of these under me when it was my first time. it makes things _so_ much better.  
his eyes are genuine. satisfied. renjun is positive he’ll be blushing for the rest of the night, at this point. his heart races, and it isn’t even the nerves this time.

fuck, he’s in _love_ , and it’s getting harder to hide it.

donghyuck’s hands are soft over his inner thighs, and renjun breathes in sharply. it’s annoying how sensitive he is; all he can do is pray he’ll last.

"tell me if it’s too much, okay? like, seriously. i’d rather take it slow to make sure you’re ready. you really don’t want to under-do it.”

really, renjun isn’t out to torture himself tonight, anyway. he already knows he’ll be feeling it tomorrow no matter how slow they take it.

“promise i will. i’m ready.”

donghyuck moves carefully; he coats his fingers in lube, and slides it generously over renjun’s entrance. he’s gentle with his first finger, giving lots of time for renjun to adjust to it. it’s not really an uncomfortable sensation yet, but it definitely feels a little stranger when it isn’t renjun’s own fingers.

he lets donghyuck know when he’s ready for a second, and that’s when he really starts to feel it—renjun breathes in sharply at the first hint of a burn, but he endures it. donghyuck's fingers are certainly bigger than his own.

“still okay?”

he nods.

donghyuck begins to pump them in and out of renjun slowly, letting him get used to the movement, and then he starts scissoring his fingers. properly working renjun open.

renjun grits his teeth a little, but it’s still definitely bearable. with time, it starts to ease, anyway. donghyuck is skilled enough with his fingers that he finds a way to make it start to feel good. at least, good enough to make the pain worth it.

when it finally settles, renjun decides he’s ready for a third. he’s certainly under no impression that it’ll be anything less than a minor taste of hell, but he knows he has to get through it.

donghyuck suddenly pulls his fingers out of renjun, and he immediately feels the loss of them. confused, he looks to donghyuck in question, but when he returns with a little more lube on his hands and reaches for renjun’s cock, renjun thinks he gets it.

“trust me, you’re gonna want this.”

renjun believes him.

it’s a nice distraction for a while, having donghyuck stroke him back into a state of pleasure again. renjun sighs, relaxing back into the pillow below him, and then he feels it.

at first, it’s two fingers again. they spread him open a little further, and then a third slides in.

renjun whimpers at the feeling—holy _christ_ does it sting. even through the time donghyuck gives him to adjust, and with the careful stroke of his hand, it’s still awful.

“you’re doing so well, junnie. we’re almost there, mm? try to relax a little more.”

when donghyuck starts to spread his fingers a little further apart, tears sting at renjun’s eyes. he whines again, only this time, it’s in pain. relaxing is easier said than done.

donghyuck leaves soft kisses up the inside of his thighs in an effort to distract him, but it really only does so much.

renjun knows he’ll need this, and that it’ll be so much worse when he’s properly filled, so he continues to endure it. squirms his hips a little, and bites his lip.

“so, _so_ good. so _pretty_ for me, junnie. absolutely stunning.”

donghyuck’s words have renjun’s heart burning, though he’s positive that his ass burns far worse.

he swallows, and sets his jaw.

it takes far longer than before, but eventually, the pain begins to subside. renjun starts to really feel stretched—donghyuck’s fingers open him far wider than he’s ever been spread, and he pushes his fingers a little deeper in an effort to make it feel better.

donghyuck’s hand still works his cock, and his mouth litters renjun’s thighs in bites. 

then, _finally_ , everything starts to feel good again.

for the first time in what feels like forever, renjun lets out a soft moan at the feeling of donghyuck’s fingers buried so far inside of him. he curls them in all the right ways, and presses into the most wonderful spots, and finally, renjun thinks it’s about as good as it’ll get.

“i think i’m— _ah_ , ready. for more.”

“are you sure?”

“mm, i’m sure. just—please. _please_ , hyuckie.”

that surely seems to be enough.

this time, when donghyuck pulls his fingers out of renjun, he _truly_ feels empty. he clenches for some kind of purchase, but there’s nothing. he whines.

in front of him, donghyuck rolls a condom down the length of his cock, and renjun can’t take his eyes off of the movement.

he adds a little extra lube, and then he lines himself up in front of renjun’s hole. renjun can’t help but gasp, feeling the head of donghyuck’s cock bump up against him.

realistically, he knew that it was all leading up to this, but now that it’s here, it barely feels real. even when he looks up at donghyuck, and meets his eyes. he really looks into them for a moment, and then finally, he nods.

it’s now or never.

donghyuck starts to push inside of him, and in the absolute _worst_ way, renjun sees stars—the kind that spots his vision when he stands up a little too fast. god, he was _so_ wrong to think donghyuck’s fingers were bad, when the further he pushes into him, the more renjun literally feels like he’s about to be split in half.

this time, when tears sting at renjun’s eyes, a few of them fall down his cheeks. it feels like an _impossibly_ long time before donghyuck is all the way inside of him, but once he’s finally settled in, renjun isn’t overly sure it’s much better.

at least, when donghyuck leans down to rest over him, he can distract renjun with another kiss. a sweet one full of apologies, even though it isn’t really his fault. donghyuck’s hand is back to stroking him again, and when he pulls back, he’s whispering reassurances and praises to him again. kissing the tears off of his cheeks.

“you’re doing _so_ well, injunnie. being so good for me.”

renjun breathes shakily, and tries to focus on literally _anything_ else. donghyuck kisses up his neck again, right where he likes it, and renjun closes his eyes to focus on every nice sensation he can.

“it’s almost over, hm? i promise. it’ll start to feel better.”

eventually, after a little while longer, renjun thinks he’s adjusted enough to let donghyuck move. he shifts his hips a little further up the pillow beneath him, and whimpers when it presses donghyuck even _deeper_ within him, but he still gives him the go-ahead.

donghyuck’s thrusts are slow at first; surely as gentle as he can manage, so as to make it easier for renjun.

a few more tears fall from his eyes, but at the very least, renjun thinks he’s kind of used to the pain now. he allows donghyuck to continue slowly, and tries to focus on every other sensation around him again.

donghyuck’s soft praises, and soft touch, and his soft pillows. the hand that he offers renjun to squeeze—all of it helps to slowly ease the discomfort.

a small part of renjun wonders if it’ll feel this awful the _entire_ time, and he really considers tapping out, but then donghyuck shifts his angle a little, and he feels it.

renjun breathes in sharply, and squeezes donghyuck’s hand tightly. it’s enough to scare donghyuck into stopping, which for once, is exactly what renjun _doesn’t_ want.

“ _no_ , no, keep going. right there, hyuck. _god_.” he urges, wiggling his hips in an attempt to chase the feeling.

it takes a second for donghyuck to break from his weariness, but when he finally picks up his pace again, renjun lets out the loudest moan he’s made all night.

fuck.

_this_ is why people become sex addicts. he thinks he gets it now.

“ _more_.” renjun begs, a little desperate.

donghyuck is nothing if not generous.

when he picks up his pace, the stars renjun sees behind his eyelids are far different from before. each time donghyuck thrusts into him, it’s like he triggers a part of renjun’s brain that pushes him away from rational thought. further into a desperate, pleasure seeking self that can’t get enough.

donghyuck is at least smart enough to note renjun’s reactions, and fuck into him a little harder. renjun squeezes donghyuck’s hand so hard that it likely turns purple, but he’s beyond caring. good can _hardly_ describe what he feels. amazing, perhaps. unbelievable. otherworldly.

“hey, look at me.”

donghyuck’s words, even among the filthy sounds of skin slapping and lube sliding, come out as a soft whisper.

when renjun opens his eyes again, he wants to cry for an entirely different reason.

“you’re absolutely _gorgeous_ , junnie. taking me so well.”

donghyuck doesn’t just look into his eyes—he looks right into renjun’s heart, raw and exposed for him, and with utmost reverence. like he sees these deep, imperfect parts of renjun, and calls _them_ gorgeous.

he looks at renjun like he’s the only thing in the entire universe, and for just a moment, renjun believes him.

“you have no idea how much i’ve wanted to do this. you’ve _always_ been pretty, junnie. the absolute prettiest.”

thankfully, renjun is a little too brainless to properly understand the depth of donghyuck’s words, or he’d surely fight them. instead, he takes them for the praises they are, and keens at them.

“i’m so lucky.” donghyuck tells him.

these words sink in—renjun is far more emotional with a cock up his ass, it seems, because they’re enough to have him tearing up again.

“ _hyuck_.” he whines, half in pleasure, and half in sincere emotion. his heart strings pull tighter, and the heat in the pit of his stomach grows stronger.

“’m close.”

donghyuck captures his lips again, only this time it’s for a long, sweet kiss. it’s one that renjun feels a little too un-coordinated to properly reciprocate, but he appreciates it nonetheless.

“it’s okay, you can let go. tonight’s about making you feel good.”

they’re words that are a little too much for renjun to handle; if even for just a moment, renjun wants to pretend that this is more than just sex. more than just donghyuck extending a favour. that it really _means_ something.

his thighs squeeze a little tighter against donghyuck’s hips, and as the tension builds, renjun loses all sense of volume control.

god, he swears this is the best he’s ever felt in his life.

donghyuck is _everywhere_ —inside of him, and all around him, and wrapped around his heart, and his fingers laced with renjun’s own. he feels so full that it’s almost unbearable, and all he can do is moan donghyuck’s name, and allow himself to let go.

it comes to a point when renjun isn’t really sure of what’s up or down, or where he is in the universe, when he finally falls apart. he closes his eyes, and every noise that leaves him is absolutely obscene. truly _loses_ himself. 

donghyuck still moves inside of him when he finally comes down, and it gets to the point where it’s a little too unbearable and oversensitive, and renjun whines softly.

“ _too much_.”

he shifts uncomfortably enough that donghyuck pulls out, and then it’s too much in a different way. it's hard to cope with no longer being so full of donghyuck that he’s all renjun knows.

when he properly comes to, donghyuck has moved off of him to finish himself off, but renjun feels wrong letting him do it.

he grabs hold of donghyuck’s wrist, weakly.

“wait—i wanna…”

he’s too sensitive for donghyuck to finish inside of him, but he’s certainly not too out of it to properly blow him.

the sheets below renjun drag a little harshly on his sensitive body, but he still re-positions himself between donghyuck’s legs to set to work. rolls his condom off of him, and takes him in his mouth.

an orgasm-addled brain still leaves renjun a little hazy, but he faithfully provides a warm, wet place for donghyuck to finish in. to use.

he’s careful as he does it, but donghyuck shallowly fucks into renjun’s mouth as he chases his own release. all the while, renjun keeps his eyes locked on him, even for as teary as they start to get when donghyuck thrusts a little too hard, and he gags a little.

all renjun can do is position his tongue well, and run gentle fingers over donghyuck’s skin. 

when donghyuck comes, it catches renjun a little by surprise. it’s all over his tongue and half down his throat, so its a little hard to swallow in all one go, especially with donghyuck still in his mouth as he rides it out.

when renjun pulls off of him, he feels a little bit of it dribble from the corner of his lips, so he collects it with his thumb, and cleans it off. swallows it with the rest.

it’s still not an overly pleasant taste, but it’s still donghyuck, and renjun would still do anything for him. he _always_ will.

“ _fuck_ , junnie. you can’t be real.”

renjun wipes his mouth—wet with drool and leftover come—with the back of his hand, and looks up at donghyuck with curious eyes.

“what’d i do?”

“god, _seriously_? virgins aren’t supposed to be like, _sexy_. it’s illegal, or something. be awkward like the rest of us.”

renjun still isn’t entirely sure he gets it, but he lets it slide.

in full honesty, he’s absolutely fucking exhausted. he’s positive he could fall asleep in seconds, so he shuffles back up to where donghyuck’s pillow is, and curls up on top of his blankets.

at some point, donghyuck leaves to grab a washcloth, and cleans the two of them up. it’s certainly not comfortable, but renjun is definitely grateful to be clean.

once he’s back in bed, donghyuck covers the both of them with his blanket, and renjun feels a little too clingy to do anything except cuddle up to him.

he knows he shouldn’t just fall asleep, though—it’s terrible etiquette to not at least thank the person who took his virginity, especially if he fucked him so hard that he nearly blacked out.

however, it doesn’t mean renjun has full access to his brain yet.

“mm, i guess that pact worked out for me after all.”

donghyuck is silent for a moment, and renjun almost wonders if he’s fallen asleep.

“…pact?”

apparently he’s wrong, but now he’s wormed himself into an awkward conversation. it’s _the_ pact—surely, donghyuck has to know which one he’s referring to.

“the one we made when we were like, fifteen, remember?”

it takes donghyuck another moment, and then he’s giggling in disbelief.

“holy shit, the _virginity_ pact? you really still remember that? it was like, some stupid thing i thought up one day because i was horny, and i hadn’t discovered pornhub yet.”

renjun feels mildly affronted, as someone who has spent nearly every day of his life _since_ thinking about the pact.

“ _i_ didn’t think it was stupid.”

thankfully, donghyuck seems to realize that he’s fucked up.

“you… didn’t wait for _me_ , did you?”

renjun isn’t really sure of how to answer without baring his entire heart for donghyuck.

he lies in silence.

“renjun.”

shit.

“it doesn’t matter.”

to make a point, renjun nuzzles into donghyuck’s chest a little further, and tries to will himself to sleep. to hide from this conversation.

“if you’re upset about it, it matters.”

donghyuck’s hand, wrapped loosely around renjun’s waist in this position, brushes gently against his hip. renjun frowns; he’s trying to be mad, and donghyuck is making it _very_ hard.

“you didn’t wait, so i figured it was voided anyway. it was just a fail-safe.”

“if it was just a fail-safe, why would _you_ wait?”

at this point, renjun thinks he’s about ready to waltz out of donghyuck’s bed, and head the fuck back home. as it stands, at this current moment, he’s given donghyuck _everything_ he has. if donghyuck isn’t going to even consider the weight of what renjun has trusted him with tonight, he's wasting his time.

“why do you _think_?”

still, renjun is a coward. he wants to leave, but he makes no move to.

it’s silent for another while longer.

“why didn’t you ever tell me, junnie?”

at this point, it’s obvious that donghyuck knows how renjun feels. he’s an idiot in several ways, but he certainly isn’t stupid.

“would it have mattered if i did?”

“friends don’t fuck each other holding hands and staring into each others’ eyes, renjun.”

renjun, again, isn’t really sure what to make of that.

rather, he knows what it _sounds_ like, but it certainly can’t be true. renjun is the only friend donghyuck has that he _doesn’t_ openly check out or try to bed. it’s just not realistic.

“you say that like i know anything about your sex life. how the fuck am i supposed to know what you do behind closed doors?”

“ _christ_ , you’re missing the point. this isn’t about my sex life, it’s about you being dense as fuck.”

realistically, renjun knows he’s being irrational, but he’s chosen this hill, so now he has to die on it.

“then stop dancing around what you _actually_ want to say to me.”

“do you know who fucks like we just did? fucking _newlyweds_. people who are like, disgustingly in love with each other. can you stop acting like that didn’t just happen?”

in technicality, donghyuck still hasn’t answered him. in every other sense, the universe feels like it’s closing in on renjun. he chooses not to respond.

“ _god_ you’re an idiot. you really thought there wasn’t a reason i didn’t just try to fuck you and move on like i do with everyone else? it’s different, junnie. with you, it’s _always_ been different.”

“i’m not really your type.”

donghyuck sighs in frustration.

"you’re really gonna make me spell it out for you, aren’t you?”

renjun _also_ isn’t stupid. it still doesn’t mean he’s prepared for what he knows he’s about to hear.

“i’m in love with you, dumbass. my type is _you_. only you fit the mold.”

in all the times renjun imagined this scene playing out, he really didn’t even think to consider this as an option. he’s had years to prepare himself for scenarios where he confesses and donghyuck doesn’t reciprocate, but this one is kind of new.

he needs a minute—or several, if he’s being honest. if he were adam sandler, in click (2006), he’d put this moment on fucking pause, and go take a nap.

“just say it back, junnie. you literally have no reason to keep being like this.”

in fact, this is the one thing donghyuck is wrong about. renjun stands on the other side of his pride, and if he crosses that bridge, it means he has to accept defeat. even if defeat is a chance at happiness, it’s still hard.

“we’re both tired. just get it over with.”

renjun hits donghyuck’s shoulder.

“i don’t think you deserve to hear it, now.” he grumbles, even though he’s still curled up against donghyuck.

donghyuck prods his sides, and renjun doesn’t budge.

he moves onto ghosting his fingers over renjun’s rib cage, where it's well known that he’s painfully ticklish. renjun squirms in his grasp. 

his laughter is entirely involuntary, and he _hates_ it. he tries to elbow donghyuck, but he only misses his mark the further he has to move away from him to stop the assault.

“i _love_ you, junjun. don’t you love _me_?”

renjun glares at donghyuck from the other side of the bed.

“don’t you wanna _date_ me? god, imagine if you got over yourself. you could _literally_ be my boyfriend right now.”

renjun curls up, facing away from donghyuck, and closes his eyes. tugs absolutely all of the bedding he can grab, and wraps himself in it.

at least, from this angle and buried under all of these blankets, donghyuck can’t see his fond smile.

"i think it’s _you_ that needs to get over yourself.”

**Author's Note:**

> im gna go hide now but anyway happy new year stay safe !!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/xingowo) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/xingowo) ♡


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